Fashion & Trends

Please Stop Asking FKA Twigs—and All Domestic Abuse Survivors—‘Why Did You Stay?’

“It’s a miracle I came out alive,” stated musician FKA twigs in a not too long ago printed Elle article concerning the alleged abuse she suffered by the hands of ex-boyfriend Shia LaBeouf. This isn’t the primary time twigs has publicly recounted her expertise—she sued LaBeouf for sexual battery, assault, and infliction of emotional misery in December—however she supplied much more painful element within the article, attributing her survival to “pure luck.”

On Thursday, twigs sat down for an interview with CBS This Morning host Gayle King to additional talk about her expertise as a survivor of home violence. Most of the interview was pretty customary till King made the selection to probe twigs on a intentionally sensitive matter: “Nobody who’s been in this position likes this question, and I often wonder if it’s even appropriate to ask…why didn’t you leave?” The response that twigs gave was well mannered, but clear and agency: “I’m not going to answer that question anymore because the question should really be, to the abuser, why are you holding someone hostage?”

It’s clear from the phrasing of King’s query that she knew she was heading into murky waters, however the mere incontrovertible fact that she offered it to twigs—even with a qualifier—brings up an essential query for us all: Why will we nonetheless suppose it’s acceptable to interrogate survivors of home abuse about why they stayed, as an alternative of asking what structural assist, materials assets or different types of assist they wanted and lacked with a view to embolden their very own sense of company?

One in four women and one in seven men might be victims of home abuse of their lifetime, in response to CDC knowledge, but as a society, we nonetheless don’t know how one can discuss to survivors about it. “If there had been nothing good, I wouldn’t have stayed,” anti-trafficking advocate Rachel Lloyd wrote of a previous abusive relationship in her 2011 autobiography Girls Like Us, and sadly, that narrative holds true for a lot of survivors; in spite of everything, many abusers are specialists at “love-bombing” their victims when crucial, thus making it simpler for these victims to remain on the idea that “this time will be different.”

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